So *deep breath* I've been thinking about whether or not to post this for a little while now. It's a bit of touchy topic of late, but it's been bothering me, and I wanted to get this off my chest. I realize it's been discussed somewhat in a campfire not far below, but this is a different angle (IMO). This is in part a request and also in part unsolicited advice and opinion (dude, and we know what opinions are like).
The Topic: Flouncing Politely
First off, those of you who know me know that I'm not the most tactful, that I ramble, and on top of that I'm often oblivious to a lot that goes on. So forgive me for these things. Secondly, this is in no way, shape, or form addressed to one, or two, or even ten people. It's addressed to... everyone. Thirdly, while I want this to be interactive (I will get around to a question or five by the end, I promise), if this devolves into anything less than civil or polite, I'll ask a ranger to delete. Conversation is always good. Fighting, stabbing, useless whining, etc is... not so much.
Recently, as most of you are aware, some well known and beloved ladies in the fandom are deciding it's time to depart / pursue other things. There's a thousand reasons for leaving: it was a phase / you are no longer interested in Twific, you don't have the time, your spouse finally put a foot down, your kids are starving and require attention, a jerky boss, you want to write original fic, whatever. We could list the reasons for days. I don't want to discuss that here. Let's just say there are valid reasons and leave it at that.
To be clear, I'm saying it's okay to move on if Twific / the fandom / whatever is no longer a priority. We're all adults and can make our own decisions. People come and go. It's just the way things are. If I've learned anything, I've learned that.
What I want to discuss: the leaving itself and the effect that impolitely doing so has on others.
To those drifting, fading, or running away from the fandom, there are some things that I'd like to point out for your consideration:
- You once loved it here. Or at least you loved it enough to stay however long you did. There are countless others who still love it. Please do not disparage what remains important to others as you exit. Just because you don't love it anymore doesn't mean that it's worthless or stupid or juvenile. Don't make a scene. Don't rant and try to justify your reasoning for leaving by bashing others. Just... leave. Do it quietly and maturely.
- You and your work were / are loved by some. To some, you are not just a nameless entity behind a computer. Your words and actions have left a mark on people and whether or not you recognize it, you have formed relationships, however tenuous, with people who you haven't even spoken to. These people will miss you, at least temporarily. When people feel that something or someone is being taken away, it makes them feel sad, angry, helpless, etc. Respect that and respect the people who supported you while you were here.
- For authors, your fics are ultimately yours to do with as you please. I'm not going to debate pulling; that's been done to death and there is no absolute right answer. Regardless of your decision, be cognizant of the fact that pulling your work does have a negative effect on A. your readers and B. other authors. At least in the short term.
To those remaining, especially those who are relatively new:
- Relax. Take a deep breath. Go read a good fic.
- Yes, it hurts when someone you love and admire leaves. You feel abandoned, you feel sad, and you're left questioning yourself and why you are still here. That's normal. But it will pass just like anything else (actually it will pass surprisingly quickly). Don't rant at those leaving. Don't call them names and don't whine on twitter and on forums. All you are doing is stirring the pot and making others feel anxious.
- If people pull their stories, don't worry about it. Yeah, it's no fun having something "taken" from you and it's perfectly within your right to be upset, but I promise that it's not the end of the world.
- Stop worrying about whether or not the fandom is dying. And stop comparing fics from yesteryear to those now. We all see the past through rose colored lenses. It's too easy to say that "things were better way back when... " Maybe they were, maybe they weren't... Who cares? What does that conversation really accomplish? There are thousands of people left and hanging out with no intention of leaving any time soon, and there are hundreds of thousands of stories left to read, with hundreds more adding daily. And it's insane how many of them are GOOD right now.
- This place (meaning the fandom as a whole) is meant to be fun. Unfortunately, however, women are catty, and if you throw enough of us together, the claws will inevitably come out. Don't get sucked in and don't be discouraged by all the drama. If you see it, chuckle a little, let it go, and be on your merry way.
Alright... I'm done. I told you I ramble.
The Interactive Part:
1. Do you agree / disagree with any of the points I've listed?
2. What else would you add? Did I miss anything?
3. How do you personally counter negativity?
4. Got any good recs?
5. How about posting me some Rob Porn? I have a massive hormone-slash-sinus headache and am stuck at work, and I swear that that man's face is the cure to all that ails you. ;)