Today is my mom's birthday (and her mother's birthday too, ironically). She's been gone for 7 years. I still think about her all day, every day- sotoday is no different...just a little more bittersweet. My mom wasn't June Cleaver, or Claire Huxtable, or Carol Brady. Maybe more like Roseanne, except not as funny or trashy. We had a very tumultuous relationship growing up, were estranged for several years in my late teens/early 20's, and then finally got our shit together and reconciled and had several decent (for the most part) years before she died.
Today I read a fic that I had seen rec'd somewhere, that really kind of took my breath away. Now, part of that was from laughing so damn hard, and part of it was my heart clenching in equal parts joy and agony.
I'm not a fan of Esme, in the canon books or in fanfic. She's usually written so sweet that I get cavities whenever she appears in a story. A domestic goddess who can do no wrong, and raises perfect children that are a parents dream. Or a background character whose purpose is to just stand by her man, as if Carlisle couldn't survive without her, but not really doing anything.
This new fic I'm reading, though, features an Esme unlike any I've ever read. She is warm, funny, sharp, clever, clueless, mothering, nurturing, nosy...I could go on and on. I started reading without any grand expectations. I didn't really know what it was about going in; I only had the story summary to go by. There were a few punctuation typos in the first chapter or two that almost caused me to pack it up and head home. But then the author really hit her stride, and the heart of the story, of the character of Esme, and her relationship with her three grown sons, just WHAM!!!! Hit me hard.
This story, for me, is about motherhood. Family. How you do your best to raise your kids, have delusions of grandeur about how they'll turn out, and you know that you are such a great mom so of course your children will grow up to be great.
And then they don't. They hurt and disappoint and embarrass and ignore you. They don't live up to potential, they aren't happy, they just drift along. I don't know what I would do in that situation, as my kids are just 16 and 10. But Esme travels clear across the country to make a final, valiant attempt to 'fix' her kids. Her antics will have you laughing. Her comments and interactions with other characters will have you wondering if she's really blind and clueless, or really, really clever and observant. You will not doubt for one second how sincere and heartfelt her feelings towards her sons are.
I know the weekly rec post took place last night, but I've just had this story on my heart and mind all day, even long after I got caught up on the chapters that are published to date. I can't help but wonder if my mom guided me toward this story as a reminder that even wherever she is, she still loves me and wants to see me succeed in life and be happy.
So I present, for all of you who are mothers or who have a mother ;-)
THE VELVETEEN MOTHER by krismom http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5646054/1/The_Velveteen_Mother