Okay, so Lauren totally dragged me shopping with her today (like I didn't have anything better to do). She wanted to get a VALENTINE GIFT for Tyler because they've been going together for like four weeks. She says seven weeks, but that's not consecutive, so I don't think it counts.
Anyhoo, she thinks Mike would totally notice me and my many fine assets if I were to wow him with a small token of my thoughtfulness this weekend. I went along with it at first, but we were in this little store that sold like novelty Jell-O molds shaped like human anatomy and those pens that have swimwear models on them until you click, and then the swimwear is gone. Yeah, well, Lauren was browsing these faux fur bikini ensembles, and I stepped WAY back-- Mike doesn't need to see quite that much of my fine assets just now, if you know what I mean.
So, long story short, I guess I panicked. Everything was so suggestive, and then I saw the candy section, and I thought "Candy is nice and traditional and safe for Valentine's Day," and I picked this out because by then Lauren was tapping her foot and swishing her hair and being utterly annoying.
And don't judge me, okay? Mike likes bacon. He's ALWAYS eating bacon. He eats so much bacon that his hair actually smells like bacon all the time.
But that's where things went wrong. Because we saw the guys hanging out, and I got nervous about trying to make plans to see Mike on the weekend to give him the candy. And I didn't want to take it to school and have him like reject me in front of everyone or something-- in you know Worst-Case-Scenario-Land. So I handed it over just now in the parking lot, and he said it was "So cool." And then he took a piece of it out of the package and he said, "It smells like Bella's hair."
In conclusion, I think it was the worst Valentine ever. The least you all can do is:
- A) show me a worse gift
- B) show me what you got your honey
- C) show me what your honey got you
- D) show me what I should get for Mike if I work up the courage to try again before V-day
- E) tell me why Bella's hair must always smell like freaking strawberries
- F) all of the above