I know that almost every month has become an awareness for some cause or another. And I'm not trying to say that this is more important to another, but like a mother with an Autistic child, or a daughter of a breast cancer victim, this one holds a special place in my heart and life.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month
I honestly hope that some, if not all of you, take the time to read this and really think about it. I wish someone had taken the time to have given me this information instead of the half-truths and lies they spread to make people feel better.
I thought I was a strong, independent girl. I didn't dress promiscuously, I didn't walk by myself past dark, I didn't go off with strange people, I didn't walk down deserted alleys, I didn't pick up hitch hikers. Know what, though? None of that mattered. It wasn't the strangers I needed to keep an eye on-it was the people I already knew. No one wants to think that they have to be wary of people they know-or think they know. Truth is, you never know any one person completely. I'm not saying you should lock yourself in your houses and never go out to see the light of day again. We all take risks daily...just think a little more about what risks you're actually taking and if the possible consequence is worth it.
Down to the nitty gritty (& FYI, the following statistics are for the USA only...sorry :( ):
I wasn't alone when it came to being raped by someone I knew and thought I could trust. Almost 73% of rape victims know their assailants. That's nearly 3 out of every 4 rape victims that knows his or her rapist. And it gets worse-93% of juvenile rape/sexual assault victims know their assailant.
Think of 6 women you know. Got it? At least ONE of them has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape. Think I'm lying? After I was raped I found out that my older sister had been as well and that my mom had narrowly escaped being raped. That's not counting everyone else I know that confided in me once I got my 'membership' to this club (please don't think I'm taking this lightly, either. But it's how it feels, truly.) 1 in 33 men have been the victim of an attempted or completed rape (which, there is some dispute on both figures, esp. the men one since men are least likely to report. I'm sure the figure is lower than that, I've even heard as low as 1 in 17).
Victims of sexual assault (including rape) are 3 times more likely to suffer from depression, 6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol, 26 times more likely to abuse drugs, and 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.
A rape occurs every 2 minutes. So in the time it takes to pop a bag of popcorn, or heat up some Ramen, someone has just been raped. In 2007, a total of 248,300 became victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.
Sexual assault and rape are the most under reported crimes, with about 60% being unreported. If you factor in these unreported rapes, only 6% of all rapists will ever spend a day in jail-15 out of 16 rapists walk free.
Would knowing this information have kept me from being raped? Maybe, maybe not. Will sharing this information and trying to get it out possibly prevent someone from being a victim? I don't know, but I sure as hell hope so. The one thing I regret in my entire life is not listening to my gut instinct when I first met this guy. I chalked it up to nerves because he was charming and attractive and so sure of himself, and I was this just-turned-20 year old and thought I knew everything I needed to. Gradually, the strange feeling went away. Less than a year from the time I first met him I found myself in a hospital with one of my best friends, stripped down and cracking jokes to make myself think of anything else. I knew if I thought about the situation I would burst into tears and not stop. A few hours later I eventually did, when I was in the safety of her car, sitting in the parking lot of Jack in the Box.
If you know someone that has been through a rape or sexual assault, please don't treat him or her like a leper. Honestly, I lost so many friends over this one issue. Granted, I now know that they really weren't my friends, but it still hurts to know that people I thought I could trust couldn't stand the fact that I was now a statistic, and a horrible one at that. My friends and family that stuck through this with me have been gold. The best thing you can do is to listen. I wish someone had listened to me. I tried telling the counselor I was seeing that I was pretty sure I was experiencing some symptoms of PTSD but it was brushed aside. It wasn't until I moved to Germany that I finally got someone to listen to me and got the help I needed.
BTW..I'm open to questions, comments, etc. I want everyone to feel like they can voice their experiences and opinions without having to fear about anyone saying anything derogatory.
EDIT: No means exactly that-NO. Whether you're kissing, heavy petting, in the middle of the act, whatever- No means stop, and stop right then. No does not mean 'persuade me'. No does not mean she/he is flirting. No does not mean that that person really means yes.
If a person is too drugged/intoxicated/not in the right state of mind to consent, that means 'No' as well. Silence does not ever mean 'yes'. Just because a person has impaired judgement due to a substance or situation does not give anyone the right to take advantage of that person.