Jandco,
Because you are an ADF Author, I wanted to honor your win as my First Place Judge's Choice for the Control. Possess. Seduce. Contest with a campfire so I could share the love with your readers here. I'll also post this review in the Facebook contest group as well as on your entry in the contest on FF dot net.
For those who haven't read this amazing story, here is the link:
THE COLD ONES
This story totally owned me from the start. It was in my top 4 of the highest scoring entries and as you know by now, my final Judges Choice. This story had a feeling all its own, which made this entry stand apart in this contest, IMO. There were layers to this that blew my mind, and it was dark, twisted, poetic and descriptively beautiful...it was captivating and yet also incredibly unforgiving about its harshness, and yet you inspired an accepting kind of reprieve of their bad behavior, allowing me to root for Edward and Bella especially.
Something that totally impressed me was how you set the scene from the very first sentences, and in a way no other story did. It wasn't just the characters that reflected the contest themes of control, seduce and possess (both Edward and Bella embody all three at some point in the story), but so did the setting. This was done brilliantly in The Cold Ones, with “The A” personifying control, seduction and possession in a way that fuels the undercurrent of this entire story. While reading, I was gently reminded of The Eagles' “Hotel California” because you never leave any doubt that no one leaves The A once they submit to its lures of freedom and promises despite the remorseless reality of the setting's hold on them all. I love that song for its haunting quality, and I detected that same feeling as I read the opening of your story.
Jandco, you make me feel as if The A is “unafraid to draw blood” too (you even describe it as a gash, foreshadowing the stab wound that is sensitive and bloody, yet a means to a happier end you mention in the last paragraph of the story), just like your Bella. It's another hint at the beginning of your story that is carefully tied into the end of the story too – a foreboding of just how far Bella (who is “snaky about her brand of violence”) will be willing to go to leave on her own terms, and save Edward from the fate he was resigned to, his “dead end life.”
You make it clear that Edward seduces, possesses and controls everyone in the story due to his drugs and the habits they've developed to crave whatever he has to give them, and the way he seduces, possesses and controls Bella goes without saying. Heck, nearly all of the characters control, seduce or possess in some way (Rose and Emmett as puppet-masters, as an example)! I loved the fact that with Bella, you were more subtle in weaving those contest themes into her motivations and actions, yet no less thorough. Bella controls, seduces and possesses Edward's thoughts/reactions throughout the story, as well as his trajectory in the plot and even his future at the end, yet the reader is unaware of that fact until the very last. I love how much you empowered Bella at the end, giving her the ultimate control of their future (“We're some kind of of dark and destined, but it's love.”), while you make it clear that Emmett and the rest will never leave. Bella is just crazy enough to not give a shit and tries anyway, taking Edward with her into an ultimate kind of of freeing-rebirth (She was about to make me into the man I always wanted to be”).
Bella's skepticism at the beginning (“We were just defunct – as in fucked.”) stands in sharp contrast to the possession and control she takes at the end, and I loved that you made her a strong heroine and advocate for both of their futures. As soon as Edward comes on the scene, you make it crystal clear that “He was King.” Yet I love how you gave Bella the ultimate power despite Edward's status. It's as if you drew upon cannon Bella's shielding powers after her transformation in Breaking Dawn, and fearlessly amped them up to a relatable level readers could believe in this human story. In this same way, your Bella is the maker of their ultimate immortality, surviving and protected against the violence and trappings of their past.
Jandco, what a brilliant weaving of a short story, done beautifully within the specified word limit, as you skillfully composed meaningful layers in nearly every paragraph concerning all three contest themes. Because I was evaluating the contest entries very critically, trying to meticulously pick apart every entry, I was struck by how your specific word choices in nearly every sentence summoned up an astute expression of the concept of the contest in masterful and thoughtful ways. An example of this is when you draw the scene of “covering poverty with vandalism” and the bus “bursting down the street” as it groans and hisses before dropping off Edward at The A. It's gorgeous how you ascribe importance of the setting for the reader, to exemplify how graffiti is a form of their superficial control over their situation (a nefarious, suffocating poverty), or how the bus retains a kind of tangible possession over the street leading to the main setting of the story and a Bella who's waiting - how it poetically controls with a kind of skeptical supremacy in that moment as it conveys Edward onto the stage for the reader. The graffiti wall and bus are just two examples of how deeply you considered and utilized the nuances of the contest themes and added them in very unexpected ways to create a fuller and more pertinent reading experience.
And the finale...such a surprising and refreshing ending and use of the contest themes!
Do I wish there was some hot lovin' between Edward and Bella in this story? Yes, I do. You scored lower in a couple of areas on my scorecard because of that, after comparing your scores against my top 10 entries. But after I read the ending and realized the layers you formed the three contest themes around, I no longer cared about being turned on in the sexual sense...you seduced my mind beautifully with the complexity of strata forming with each paragraph until the climax at the very end. It was a ménage à trois of control, possess and seduce in every layer from beginning to end.
The “Cold Ones” may be left behind in The A, Jandco, but I don't believe that the ending for our dear couple allows them to earn that appellation as well. That fact warms my heart, wins me over and makes me grateful that you shared your incredible talents with readers in this contest. What Bella and Edward have will no longer be “cold,” but ash-hewn Phoenix's rising from the smoldering, destructive circumstances at The A...a new and promising beginning of a new kind of reality for them. You leave me believing that, anyway. In that way, your conclusion left me satisfied, relieved and of the opinion that it was a true One Shot.
You did such a beautiful job – Bravo Jandco!
*applauds*
Becca